Hey Milwaukee, learn how to tell the world you set a record

What is this, amateur hour? Skip ahead to the 2:05 mark and watch how sadly those numbers come off the board. This must be the first record ever set for the Brewers other than number of years irrelevant in MLB which might be something around 28. Next time, study your tapes of 2131 and don't bring that weak sauce around here again.

Goodbye Summer, Hello BLOG!

Oh, hey look, we're blogging again. I admit for a while there it looked like the blog was over, well guess what bitches, just like Jersey Shore we are going to keep coming back and back until this product gets old and stale.

However, I think you are all due a short summer recap. It was hot. Really f-ing hot. So we built a pool and had pool parties all the time. If you didn't make it to any parties (which judging by the average of 6 people each time you didn't) good news, there is a video of what you missed...

SWIMMING POOL PAATY!

Actually I lied, this isn't the most recent video of the pool because this one doesn't have our inflatable beer pong raft.

To rub it in our faces that the summer is over, the pool went and died itself the color of the Chicago River on St. Patrick's Day. So now we don't even have that going for us.

The good news, however, is that the blog is back and better than ever. Stick around...

My "Inception" Review.

Just saw Inception. Good movie. Great movie really. I wasn't going to go until BDK pretty much forced everyone to. I think I liked it, however, because it is a combination of two of my favorite things. A Treehouse of Horror episode on The Simpsons, and Total Recall. Put these two videos together and you have Inception. I think Chris Nolan owes Arnold a few residuals tho!

The Simpsons - Nightmare On Evergreen Terrace - View more free videos

O's grounds crew falls over and under tarp. Sums up their season nicely!

In the land of the Orioles, when it rains, it pours. This video pretty much sums up the O's season, and it doesn't even involve any players. The worst part of this whole scenario, which is wildly amusing, is that not one donkey on the grounds crew thinks to move the tarp backwards to get the kid out. Instead they all just look on while a guy attempts to pull him out from under the tarp like he just got his legs blown off in Vietnam. I'm pretty sure that is the first lesson in tarp rolling 101. If person gets stuck under tarp, move tarp off person.

In other news the Orioles lost this game. Went 2-8 on the homestand and are still in last place. Training camp opens tomorrow. Our nightmare summer is almost over. Except for that guy who lost his legs under the tarp today.

Baltimoron of the week: Andres Alonzo

Baltimore: City schools CEO Andrés Alonso has vowed to begin new initiatives to combat student truancy after the city's performance on state tests showed an average achievement gap of 25 percentage points between elementary and middle school students who are repeatedly absent and those who attend regularly. The superintendent said he would focus on student attendance, even if it means deploying central office staff to knock on the doors of students who are chronically absent — which means they miss more than 20 days of school a year. "We are at a point now where we know that kids aren't coming to school," Alonso said. "It's a problem. We need to go the extra mile." Data taken from the city's 2010 Maryland School Assessments — which tests third- through eighth-graders in math and reading — showed there was a 15-percentage-point achievement gap in reading proficiency and a 21-percentage-point achievement gap in math between students who were chronically absent and those who weren't. More than 5,000 students in third to eighth grade were chronically absent last year.

So let me get this straight, it is a news story that kids who don't show up to school, basically at all, don't do well on the state tests?? No shit. You know, come to think of it, I missed a class in college to watch Xavier beat down National #1 and undefeated St. Joe's. You know what happened, the next class I got a 68 on the test. Sounds like we have our answer, Mr. Alonzo, go round up all of those kids, put them in vans, drop them off at school, and then poof, you have higher test scores. Good job, you earned your paycheck this week! OH WAIT, this is Baltimore son. You aren't going to find those kids, you are not going to force them back to school, and when they sit down to take those tests, they aren't going to do much better. Why? Because they aren't college students. They don't understand what school is, much less what a math or reading problem is. Maybe if we could find a way to teach the kids who do show up, we could actually get through to a few, and have them help themselves and their community. And for those who don't show up, I think we could all learn something from Bunny Colvin....

Baltimoron of the week: Dale E. Beecher

WESTMINSTER, Md. -- The Baltimore Ravens have a new autograph policy at training camp this year. Players will now sign autographs for children only after morning practices and autographs will not be available after afternoon practices. President Dick Cass said crowds at morning practices have become so large that there have been concerns about safety with people pushing to get close to players. He said now more children will have the chance to get autographs."We have considered changing the way we do autograph signings for a few years," Cass said. "Our crowds for the morning practices have become so large that we’ve had safety situations with people pushing each other to try and get closer to the players. Often times, children would be put in difficult positions with the rush for autographs, especially from our most popular players."

WBAL-TV 11 Facebook fan Dale E. Beecher wrote, "That's not right! I can see guaranteeing children getting autographs, but don't turn away other fans!"

First of all, I wholeheartedly agree with this new policy. There is nothing more sad than grown men pining over another grown man scribbling on a piece of paper. And what is the saddest of all is seeing dudes in dudes in purple camo pants pushing kids out of the way to get Troy Smith's signature. That is why you sir, Dale E. Beecher, who is want to write his opinions about this on WBAL's facebook page (you got a lot of free time buddy, but I guess I do to), are this week's Baltimoron. You feel you are being unfairly "turned away"?? You know why I don't have a problem with this... because I loved getting signatures when I was a kid, still love to look at them, but ever since I graduated high school I realized I had more important things in my life to worry about than someone putting ink on paper for me. Maybe you should focus your time on finding something else to aspire to achieve, like daily activities (a job perhaps) that keep you from needing football autographs.

Thought of the day

The thought is small

The guitar player for Train which brings you the song "Hey, Soul sister" is Howie Mandel.
Here is your proof.